Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Screwed.edu
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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