I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
pray to the hookup gods
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
