Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize