I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
