I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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