Umm I'm too high to move.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
