Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
