I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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