I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
