life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
