if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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