I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
