Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
