just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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