You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize