so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
