We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
