i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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