it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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