So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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