I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize