2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
