So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
