I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize