my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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