Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
