Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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