its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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