I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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