If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
