im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My cat gives me a boner
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
