ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
