Having a random hookup so left but love u
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
