I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
