My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
