fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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