i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
