does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
