..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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