i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
