I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
