Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize