I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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