Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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