I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
