lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
