Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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