I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
