Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
