y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You may now shotgun with the bride
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
