Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
