Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I looked at my own cervix.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The beer is more important than you right now.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
