are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
