Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
