just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
