I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
