Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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