I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You dont lie about slip and slides
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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