The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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