Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
