I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
