just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
