you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
