my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
