Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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