when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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